Daily Loaf

Busy, rainy, lonely.

It's been a hectic couple of days here behind G-d's back. I should consider myself lucky; there's very little to do during the evenings that doesn't involve alcohol and driving around in cars, or organised religion. And now that the local public swimming hall is closed, I'm being forced to spectator sports, which in northern Ostrobothnia translates to Finnish baseball. The weather being forbidding yesterday - 12 C, rain - I couldn't even go out on a walk.

I decided to regress. When I was in lower elementary school and lived in a place called Kangasala which, albeit small with its then 20 000 people, is a metropolis compared to Haapajärvi. Back then, years before the web, the library was a place where me and my geeky friends would often hang out. We also by and large devoured the sci-fi section there. After I moved to the big city, I pretty much stopped using the library and moved over to bookstores - because they have a much selection, was the justification - which had the unfortunate effect of reducing the number of books I read.

With my positive memories of childhood in mind, I went to the library to reclaim the card for which I had applied earlier. The fact that the local card looked much like library cards used to, way back before they moved over to the credit card format, only made my regression easier. So I went over to the comics section, where I find a bonanza of Asterix books, not just in English but also Swedish and French. Some librarian must've been a huge fan, because Asterix and Tin-Tin aside they only had a few Finnish obscure books and a Calvin and Hobbes omnibus. I leave my loot downstairs (12 books, I felt like a robber) and head upstairs to the "grown-up" section.

They don't have a separate sci-fi section so I walk around looking for some decent new stuff, but they only have Star Wars novels and David Eddings' crud. I briefly consider some trippy Soviet sci-fi à la Lem, but instead I pick up 'Songs Finland Sings' by Barbara Helsingius, a few essays on Nietzche and - what is it that my old eyes see, here, in Christian fundamentalist Haapajärvi? My goodness, it is indeed the book I have been looking for, for quite a while - Out of the Closet, by Marja-Leena Parkkinen.

I rush downstairs, quickly check out (the girl at the counter doesn't so much as blink when she sees the book) and race home. For the rest of the evening, I'm hooked. Every 5 pages I cry - or at least break in to tears - and every other page I'm laughing out loud. The savvy reader will realise that every now and then I'm laughing and crying at the same time.

After about 70 pages I'm too worn out and decide to take a sauna.

Catharses are good, I just can't afford to have them too often.